Sawasdee! (Koh Samet, Mar 2008 )
Many of my friends have been married. Many will marry pretty soon. And I wonder, why marriage anyway?
A couple of a man and a woman probably is the oldest form of community in the animal history, including humans. With or without any official authorisation, many choose to stay together with certain commitment. My parents are not a perfect couple, and yet they have stayed together for more than 25 years. Why? Is it that good?
I googled “why marriage” in Japanese. It hit some good websites.
One is by The Chugoku Shimbun: 「問い」積み重ね自分流／なぜ結婚 (in Japanese only)
(All the quotes are translated by me. All the rights reserved) One interviewee says, “Many men think of marriage because they are about the age, parents say so, will be trusted more or very vague reasons. Only two or three out of ten men think have clear thoughts of what they want from marriage. So if that kind of guy comes to a girl, she would never miss the chance”.
Another interviewee, divorced, and in love with someone now: “But I do not want to live with him. I can be more caring if there’s some physical distance between him and me, and not too much restrictions”.
The article also quotes a psychologist: “People marry to suffer”. Another psychology consultant recommends people to think of “marriage of the crazy who dare to suffer”.
I guess the answer simply is another question: What do you want from marriage? Does marrying the person make you a happier person?
Mmm, another mystery here to explore! (to go through maybe?)
aikoaiko said,
Monday, 21 April 2008 @ 14:32
Well, I guess I’m one of your friends who ‘will marry pretty soon’
To be honest, I have never thought ‘why marriage’. I’m maybe like those many men in Japan, haha.
But to me, getting married with my boyfriend seemed very natural somehow.
So when he proposed to me, I was surprised but said yes without hesitation.
I follow my feelings when I make decisions (school, work, relationships… etc).
Sometimes it doesn’t work well, but in this way, I don’t regret.
I hope my marriage decision works alright.
Anyway, your articule makes me think. and this may be a good opportunity to reflect on how my feelings work
tulipano said,
Monday, 21 April 2008 @ 16:36
thank you for your sweet comment
i personally think feeling “very natural” is a good sign! i wish you all the best, although am pretty sure you already have all the luck!
i really liked this article btw. 「あえて苦労をする物好き結婚」 makes me think. and it is also true that every struggle comes with a special joy after all, uncompareble with anything…
alanglz said,
Sunday, 27 April 2008 @ 11:48
the things i want in a marriage, for me marriage is the next step to live the rest of my life with someone, my family matters and in mexico the people dont think in good terms about living with someone that doesnt get married.
marriage is an agreement to respect and love the person i guess, it forces you to says those words, and sometimes you need that.
im catholic and i believe in what marriage represents
marriage makes you happy, maybe yes, maybe not, it depends on the person