Fly! (Thailand, Apr 2008 )Today is such a nice day. Nice breeze, not too much sun. It’s a bit funny (or interesting) to think that in Japanese “good weather (ii tenki)” literally means sunny. I cannot say “ii tenki” for a weather like this. Maybe because all Japanese-speaking people supposed to think “good weather” is sunny? It’s weird, just like no matter how hot in May, Japanese students cannot wear uniforms with short sleeves.
I am having a bit of summer vacation now. For a while, no particular work (in other words, I am jobless). I read, write, draw, photograph, walk, go out, chat, study, cook, clean, take shower, sleep. As I have rested pretty much, I started to think again what I am to do in my life.
What am I to do?
I want to be a photographer, yes, but I do not want to be like a child who is forced to learn music instrument for the sake of his/her parents. If I photograph, it is for me.
I remember my last presentation of photography last year. The title was “My Treasure”. Yeah, photography for me is a way to communicate. I want to express my thoughts and things I have felt through words and photography. I do not want photography to be my only source of income.
Maybe I am avoiding challenges. Maybe I am afraid to challenge myself. But it is true that I want to photograph to express myself and not for someone else. If the interests of the two meet it’s good, but that is not what I hope for. Is it only for self-satisfaction? I doubt it. Photography is photography only when it is seen by many eyes. For many eyes to understand my message, photography should be good.
I started to draw again, too. Photography has its beauties, so does drawing. When I saw the sunset at Mekong River early this month, while I was swimming there, I knew photography had limits. The scenery was just so indescribable. To take a good photograph, though, I had to change my position and make sure the composition is OK, there’s nothing to disturb, etc. What if it’s not possible? And how to revive the scenery and feeling, if photograph did not come right?
I know I keep thinking of all these things over and over, as long as my life. That’s what life is for, I guess. To struggle and to enjoy.
