Brush or regret (Bangkok, April 2008 )
I went to see a dentist today. Second time this month. I should go again later on.
How have I been lately? I simply decided to focus on my studies, nothing else!! Gotta pass the exam! AHHH!
I miss doing everything by myself, as I lived by myself in Bangkok. I miss worrying what to eat on the day, where to go buy food, which bus to take. It is tiring, but not annoying.
I miss chaos, noise, people’s voices, carts, dust, humid air, people angry when they are angry, people happy when they are happy.
Japan’s got tons of formalities, unwritten rules and masks. I feel a bit choked. I told this to a non-Jp friend living in Bangkok. Her answer was that, it’s a bit like that when one returns to his/her home country.
I thought over and over about it. Is it only because this is my home country?
The answer is 10% yes, 80% no. Most of non-Jp residents in Japan have had odd experiences with all the Japanese customs, which are too many. When to bow. How to bow. How to introduce yourself. The order to introduce your friend to another person (You should introduce the lower class person to higher class person first). The way of talking (Japanese is a simple language, if not for all the words that change to show your humbleness and respect… ay! Also, it cares about tone of voice, not the content).
“10% yes” because in my case, people expect me to know every Japanese unwritten rule. ‘()$EW#()=”~)!!!!
Japanese people’s masks are too difficult to understand. Many say “yes” for “no”. Many look happy just to look happy, not because they are.
Actually all these odds I started to feel long before getting out of this country for my first time. I was 5 years old and was forced by a teacher to draw the way he wanted me to. Those lines I had to draw only to please him are still in my mind. He gave me the first lesson of living in Japan: Be passive.
Now I can talk him back. But is the only thing I want to do? I think I want to do a looooooooooot more than that. And I will.
